Captain Awesome and the Easter Egg Bandit Read online

  Table of Contents

  1. An Egg-stra Special Day!

  2. Blue-Pen Blues

  3. The Thumper

  4. Superhero Senses

  5. Whodunit?

  6. The Scene of the Crime

  7. Agents of STINK

  8. Here Comes Peter Rotten Tail

  9. When Turbo Squeaks

  10. A MI-TEE Easter Egg Hunt

  ‘Captain Awesome Goes to Superhero Camp’ Excerpt

  About Stan Kirby and George O’Connor

  Mission Control, this is Eggle-1, do you read me? Over,” said Eugene McGillicudy. He picked up a plastic egg from his desk and carried it around the room. “We’re now flying over Sunnyview Elementary. . . . Roger that, Roger.”

  “That’s so not the way to decorate an Easter egg,” said Meredith Mooney, the pinkest girl in school. She was dressed in a pink skirt that matched the pink bow in her hair. Her light pink shirt matched her light pink shoes that blinked with pink lights on the toes. “What is that supposed to be, anyway?” she asked.

  “If you must know—My! Me! Mine! Mere-DITH! It’s Eggle-1,” Eugene said. “It is a ship that carries egg-stronauts to the twelve slots on the orbiting Space Carton.”

  “Oh, good grief,” Meredith said with a groan.

  She went back to coloring her own eggs in different shades of pink.

  With only four days until Easter, Ms. Beasley’s class was decorating eggs. Wilma Eisner and Betty Alfa worked as a team, each painting half of each other’s eggs. Gil Ditko was off in the corner working in secret. Dara Sim was busy painting her eggs black. Evan Mason was gluing two eggs together to make a superegg.

  Ms. Beasley walked around the class, checking the work of each student. “That’s good,” she said. “Very interesting, Dara. That’s . . . unique, Evan. Meredith, I see you’re staying with pink.”

  “Is there any other color worth coloring eggs with, Ms. Beasley?” Meredith asked.

  “Check this out, Ms. Beasley!” Eugene cut in. He held up an egg. It had a tiny blue door painted on it. “I call it Eggtopia. It’s where the tiny Egg People live, safe from the deadly Maple Bacon Warlords.”

  Ms. Beasley smiled and quickly moved away.

  She likes it! thought Eugene.

  Eugene dipped his brush into green paint and painted a zigzag onto his egg. “And that’s the control panel for the force field.”

  Eugene got the name Eggtopia from that time Super Dude fought against the evil Easter Boney, the skeleton pirate in Super Dude’s Holiday Egg-stravaganza No. 3.

  What’s that, you say? You haven’t heard of Super Dude, the world’s mightiest superhero?

  Are you a stranger to this planet? Do you live in a world surrounded by an eggshell? Super Dude is just the greatest comic book superhero ever!

  Eugene was so inspired by the heroic adventures of Super Dude that he made his own superhero suit. When he put it on, he became Captain Awesome. Captain Awesome bravely went wherever evil was . . . and wherever his mom drove him.

  MI-TEE!

  Eugene’s best friend, Charlie Thomas Jones, was also a big fan of Super Dude. He became Nacho Cheese Man, the only hero with the power of canned cheese.

  CHEESY-YO!

  The last to join their team was Sally Williams. Dressed as Supersonic Sal, she was lightning fast! Her sidekick, Funny Cat, was pretty cool too.

  SPEEDY GO!

  Together these three heroes and the class hamster, known only as Turbo, formed the Sunnyview Superhero Squad.

  SQUAD UP!

  But for now, there was no evil in Ms. Beasley’s class.

  Eugene shoved Eggtopia in front of Charlie.

  “Check it out, Charlie,” Eugene said. “I bet people from all over the world will come to see my super spectacular egg art pieces. Museums will fight one another just to put a Captain Awesome original on display.”

  “Maybe they will want mine, too!” Charlie said. He was painting an egg bright yellow with dark spots. “It’s the Swiss Twister. Inside, I have hidden several squares of excellent cheese.” He twisted the plastic egg and took out a cube of Swiss. “Delicious.”

  Sally held out her own egg. It was bright blue with a large gold lightning bolt. “I call mine the Yolk of Justice,” she said proudly.

  Eugene went back to his seat. He reached into his desk for his blue Super Dude Super Marking Pen to sign his name on the bottom of his eggs. His hand felt nothing but the spiral binding of his notebook. He looked into the desk. Nothing.

  My Super Dude Super Marking Pen is gone!

  It was just like that time in Super Dude No. 219, when the evil Crayonosaurus Rex tried to steal all the markers so he could control the world’s color. That was definitely a job for Super Dude. This was a job for Captain Awesome!

  Eugene’s backpack with his Captain Awesome costume was back in his cubby. He’d have to sneak over there without anyone seeing. Eugene dropped to his hands and knees. He quickly crawled down the rows to his cubby.

  SUCCESS!

  Eugene grabbed his backpack. He was just seconds away from becoming Captain Awesome. Then he’d discover what evil person, villain, or thing had stolen his blue pen.

  “Eugene McGillicudy! Please take your seat,” Ms. Beasley said. She was always saying that.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Eugene slumped back to his desk.

  As soon as he plopped down, Eugene felt a tap on his shoulder.

  Charlie handed Eugene the blue pen. “Thanks for letting me borrow this!” he said. “It writes really well!”

  Charlie held up his egg with his name scrawled on the bottom.

  “Oh! Um. No problem,” Eugene mumbled.

  Another case solved!

  They’re . . . Well, they’re awesome!” Eugene said to his parents. “They are the greatest Easter eggs you’ve ever seen.”

  Eugene popped a long strand of spaghetti into his mouth and slurped it up. The end whipped so fast that it tapped his nose.

  “One is a space shuttle. Another has a whole city inside. And then I made another one . . . and—”

  “WAHHH!” Eugene’s baby sister, Molly, screamed. She threw her spoon on the floor.

  “One second,” Eugene’s dad said. He got up to get Molly a new spoon.

  Eugene leaned in close in case the house was bugged. “I gave it razor-sharp teeth and fins. It’s called the Egg White Shark!”

  “BLAAAH!” Molly smeared tomato sauce on her cheek.

  “Excuse me.” Eugene’s mom went to get a napkin to wipe Molly’s messy face.

  Up. Down. Up. Down. That was all his parents did. Every time Molly opened her mouth.

  YIKES!

  That was when it hit Eugene like the meatball Molly had just thrown across the table. This was an evil plan to ruin his dinner. Captain Awesome’s stinky nemesis had returned. It was Queen Stinkypants from Planet Baby!

  With her evil babbling, terrible tantrums, and—PEW!—stinky diapers, she was turning his parents into mindless zombies. They were being forced to give her everything she wanted!

  His mother returned with a surprise.

  “I was saving this for your Easter gift,” she said to Queen Stinkypants. “But this seems like a better time for it.” After her daughter’s face was clean, Betsy handed Queen Stinkypants a big, pink stuffed rabbit.

  Queen Stinkypants said something that sounded like “Earthling good!” She gave the bunny a big hug. Then started to chew on its left ear, infecting it with her awful Stinkydrool.

  Eugene did not like the look of this bunny. There was something about those beady black eyes.

  “Nom-nom-nom . . .” Queen Stinkypants gnawed at the toy’s ear. Then she lift
ed the bunny above her head and thumped him down on her high chair.

  The sound filled Eugene with horror. It was THE THUMPER. Captain Awesome would have to add another villain to his list of “Villains to Fight.” And this one was a big pink bunny with drool-germs in its fur.

  Eugene stared at the Thumper. The Thumper stared back. And stared. And stared . . .

  TINGLE!

  Eugene felt it the moment he walked into school with Charlie and Sally. It was Thursday: three days before Easter.

  DOUBLE TINGLE!

  “Did you feel that?”

  “Feel what, Eugene?” Sally said.

  “I got nothing,” Charlie replied.

  “That’s because you guys don’t have Awesome-Sense like I do,” Eugene said.

  “I have a Supersonic Sense,” Sally said. “And I don’t feel anything.”

  “I can sense cheese.” Charlie sniffed. “Someone has pepper jack in their lunch box.”

  TRIPLE TINGLE!

  “There it is again!” Eugene looked around. Where was the danger? Would it be a Scaly Green Martian attack from the ceiling? A Booger-Shooting Locker Dragon from down the hall? Or a Million Zombie Moles from just under the floor?

  They entered Ms. Beasley’s classroom. Kids were busy putting their backpacks in their cubbies. Others were taking their seats and getting out their papers and pencils to start work.

  NORMAL.

  Charlie checked the hamster hutch and said good morning to Turbo. “He seems fine, Eugene.”

  By the time Eugene reached his desk and sat down, he knew something was horribly wrong. But what?

  WHAT?

  What was bothering him?

  Eugene reached into his desk to pull out his Easter eggs.

  NOTHING.

  He felt again. And again. He pulled everything out from his desk and bent his head to look inside.

  SHOCK!

  His Easter eggs were gone!

  “Sally! Charlie!” he whispered urgently. “Check your desks!”

  “My Easter eggs are gone!” Sally gasped.

  “Someone stole our eggs!” Charlie said.

  Eugene looked around. The whole classroom had been cleared of the colorful plastic eggs. But nobody else seemed upset.

  This was just like Super Dude No. 48, when Super Dude fought Pizzarita. She brainwashed kids into thinking they only liked plain pizza. Then she stole the pizzas from the school cafeteria and ate all the pepperoni.

  Eugene eyed his classmates. This was clearly a case for Captain Awesome and the Sunnyview Superhero Squad!

  The school bell rang. Eugene watched his classmates run out the door for morning recess. Eugene stayed behind.

  “I’ll meet you at the supersecret school-time Sunnyview Superhero Squad Clubhouse,” he told Sally and Charlie.

  Eugene wanted to check the desks of his classmates. Just in case the thief was hiding the eggs nearby.

  Just as he was about to start his search, the janitor came in and started sweeping.

  “You should get outside,” the janitor said. “Get some of that sunshine. Big tetherball game going on.”

  SIGH.

  Eugene left Ms. Beasley’s class. Charlie and Sally waited for him behind the twisty slide, near the big maple tree.

  “This emergency meeting of the Sunnyview Superhero Squad may now begin,” Charlie said.

  “Squad, we have a mystery,” Eugene said. “And with Easter this weekend, we don’t have much time to solve it.”

  Sally and Charlie nodded. “I’ve already got a plan,” Charlie said. “First, I cover everyone in canned cheese. Then . . . we wait.”

  Sally and Eugene looked at Charlie. “How does that help us?” Sally asked.

  Charlie shrugged.

  “Or . . .” Eugene said. “We could watch everyone for weird behavior during lunch and see what they do. The person who stole our most awesome eggs won’t be able to resist looking at them during the day.”

  “Well, if you don’t want to do things the cheesy way,” complained Charlie.

  “I predict this crime will be solved by lunch!” Eugene predicted.

  It wasn’t.

  Lunch arrived, and Eugene, Charlie, and Sally sat at their usual table, keeping an eye on their classmates.

  “I’ve got Gil,” Eugene said. “And Meredith.”

  “I’ve got Dara and Evan,” Sally said.

  “I’ve got a cheese sandwich,” Charlie said. He squirted some white cheddar onto a piece of bread. “With extra cheese.” Charlie looked up from his lunch. “Oh, and Olivia and Jake.”

  The members of the Sunnyview Superhero Squad decided to split up and snoop. Number six of Super Dude’s Ten Rules of Justice was: If you want to know what evil is doing . . . ask it questions.

  “What did I do after school yesterday?” Meredith asked. “What is it to you?”

  “I’m working on a project for Easter,” Eugene lied. “Just to see what everyone has been doing.”

  “I went to the mall with my mom,” she said. “We did mall stuff, and then none-of-your-business stuff.”

  “I was watching TV,” said Evan.

  “Homework,” said Dara.

  “Ballet,” said Olivia.

  “Gymnastics,” Jake said.

  “If you must know,” said Gil, “I was secretly plotting to take over the world.”

  At last! Eugene had found the villain!

  “Just kidding,” Gil said. “I went to soccer practice.”

  ARGH!

  Eugene, Charlie, and Sally stood in the doorway of the lunchroom. They watched their classmates finish eating. “Each of them has a good excuse,” Eugene said.

  “None of them could’ve taken the eggs,” Charlie agreed.

  “We’ll have to look somewhere else,” Sally said.

  They stopped whispering as Wilma headed toward them. Has she come to confess? wondered Eugene.

  “I heard you were asking questions and I didn’t want to be left out,” Wilma said. “I was at piano lessons!”

  She dropped her juice box in the recycling bin and headed back to class.

  “Drat!” Eugene said, disappointed.

  I know what the problem is! We’re looking at this crime as Eugene, Charlie, and Sally. We should be looking at this as the superheroes we really are,” said Eugene.

  “To the costumes!” Charlie shouted.

  The trio raced down the hallway toward Ms. Beasley’s classroom.

  BACKPACKS!

  UNZIP!

  CAPE!

  SUPERHEROES!

  Captain Awesome guessed they had ten minutes before lunch was over. That should be plenty of time for the Sunnyview Superhero Squad to search their classroom for clues.

  “I’ll bet whoever stole the Easter eggs is making them into scrambled eggs right now.” Nacho Cheese Man sighed. “Or worse: hard-boiled eggs!”

  “We’re not going to give up . . . ,” Captain Awesome began. “Things may look bad, but did Super Dude give up when the Cyborg Chickens from the future sent the Eggs-Terminator back in time to steal his superpowers?! No, he did not! And neither will we!”

  “We are with you, Captain Awesome!” Supersonic Sal said. “What’s the plan?”

  But before Captain Awesome could say another word, he saw it! There, on the wall in the hallway . . .

  A SHADOW!

  And not just any shadow, but the bunny ears of the dreaded villain, the Thumper!

  “I should have known that furball was the egg bandit!” Captain Awesome said. “Hop to it, guys! Quick! Before he gets away!”

  The three heroes ran into the hall and struck their most heroic poses, ready for an all-out fuzzy bunny battle! But instead of a fur-rocious supervillain, the Sunnyview Superhero Squad came face-to-face with . . .

  Ms. Beasley?!

  “Oh!” Ms. Beasley said. She was startled by the sudden appearance of Captain Awesome, Supersonic Sal, and Nacho Cheese Man. She quickly slipped something into her purse. “I thought everyone was eati
ng lunch.”

  “Everyone is,” Nacho Cheese Man replied. “Except for superheroes on patrol.”

  “Have you noticed anything weird going on?” Supersonic Sal asked.

  “Weird?” Ms. Beasley replied, looking at the superheroes.

  “Yeah, like a furry supervillain trying to steal all the Easter eggs in the world,” Captain Awesome said.

  “That is weird,” Ms. Beasley replied. “If I do see something like that going on, I will certainly let you know.”

  “Good! And whatever you do, don’t eat any scrambled eggs,” Nacho Cheese Man said. “They could be evidence!”

  “Good thing I already had breakfast,” Ms. Beasley said.

  At home, after school, Eugene crept down the hall. One false move could set off the Stinkypants Alarm. Then things could really get smelly.

  He tiptoed into Queen Stinkypants’s Fortress of Stinkitude and peeked inside.

  SNIFF! SNIFF!

  It didn’t smell too bad. Queen Stinkypants was gone. But she hadn’t left her Fortress of Stinkitude unguarded!

  The Thumper sat at a small table with a tea set. The rest of Queen Stinkypants’s evil Agents of STINK sat with him: Smelly the Bear! The Stink Fairy! Princess PU! They were probably plotting some evil plan to stink up the whole world!

  Eugene sat down across from his number-one suspect. “I’m on to you,” Eugene said. “My parents may have fallen for your soft pink fur and cute fuzzy ears, but I know you’re stuffed with evil! Tell me where you hid the Easter eggs!”